My Undeniable Bloodline.

Maybe some of you can relate, it's also highly possible that nobody can relate at all. Not even close.

I have a crazy family. I say this with love and affection, and a twinge of bitterness for the disconnect and distance I have with some of my family members.

A little bit of background is necessary for you to understand the brief interaction I had with a few of them this past Saturday afternoon. My cousin and I used to be close when we were younger; we are two years apart. Because my parents are a bit nutty and decided to uproot my sister and I and move to Honduras when I was a young teen, I lost touch with my cousin. I have been living in Toronto for four years now, and it just so happens that my cousin lives down the street from me. I have seen her a total of three times while living here, and prior to that it had been at least 10 years since I had seen her last. You can imagine it's all a bit awkward.

On Saturday, I went to my cousin's apartment for lunch, along with my aunt and my cousin's father, whom I hadn't seen since I was about 7 years old. I was prepared for some awkwardness, some buttons being pushed, and some general discomfort. This is what occurred.

I was greeted by my aunt, a tiny lady with cloud white hair and an attitude to beat the band. We hugged, exchanged a sentence or two, and then she proceeded to pull a small stuffed animal from her purse. She was wide eyed as she held the cat in front of her, and started giggling, a crazy little giggle, one part sweet and the other part a bit mischievous with a slight lip curl. Then, with a burst of delight, she squeezed the cat and it began to laugh hysterically, a wild long winded laugh that I couldn't help but enjoy. After wiping away our laugh tears and making the obvious statement of "it's so great to see you again, I can't believe this much time has gone by!" I sat down at the table and the wine began to flow. If I was going to fit in with the crazies (term of endearment), I had to have a few. Slight side note: I am most definitely part of the crazies, my inner crazy has just been somewhat dormant for the past little while. One time I threw a drink in a bartenders face. Now that's crazy. Another time, I jumped out of a cab without paying. And the last crazy thing I'll mention is the time I threw a frying pan out the window of my apartment. All high on the crazy scale, right? Or at least on the wild scale?

My cousin made some pasta and my aunt probed me about my mom and dad, about the past in general, chit chat, chitty chitty chat. Once the pasta was ready, my "uncle" got up to serve it, and asked my cousin if she wanted pasta and stew, or just stew on its own. This was my cousin's response. She stood up and belted out: "this is what pasta does for me"!!! and then followed her statement with the most ridiculous dance I have ever seen...fist punches towards the floor with a mix of the running man and a big old smile on her face while saying "this is how pasta makes me feel, I don't eat pasta"!!! What the...? I simply love her. I can't explain what it means to me to see someone express the fact that they don't eat pasta through dance. My cousin's boyfriend was at the table silently giggling, shaking his head."Thank God your family is as crazy as we are!" my cousin chimed while looking at her boyfriend as she continued punching the air.

Once the pasta and stew were served and we had poured some more wine, a cry was heard from the other side of the table. My uncle was looking at his sleeve with a hurt expression on his face. He had a stew spatter on his shirt. This is what he did. He took his glass of water and held it over the spatter, while holding his entire arm over his bowl, carefully pouring the water onto the spatter, making sure that all liquids landed back into the stew and not on the tablecloth. We all looked on with absolute amazement. The process was meticulous. Then he put his water glass down, lifted his sleeve to his mouth, and began licking the spatter/water stain, sucking on it, and then rubbed it with his index finger. "Damn it! I made it worse!" This statement was swiftly followed by the fastest shirt removal I've ever seen. Shirt off, spatter located, spattered area in water glass, more sucking on shirt. Looking over at my bare chested uncle and his rapid save-the-shirt movements, I almost peed my pants laughing. And I'm not using that as an expression. My cousin looked away in horror, a feeling which was then joined by her hysterical laughter, and a "Jesus" from my aunt.

After the stew, a few more glasses of wine ensued and some more family chatter was passed around. We talked about age, we talked about jobs, apartments, animals, muay Thai, the fact that I had stew on my chin that had been there for 5 minutes. Then I noticed my lovely aunt was no longer at the table, and hadn't been for about half an hour. I asked where she was, and my cousin said "one sec, I think I know", as she got up and walked down the hall. She poked her head into the living room, then wandered back towards us. "Yep, she capsized". Ummm...what!? My aunt "capsized" at a luncheon. She snuck away and passed out on the couch. She is damn brilliant. Next time I'm at a luncheon or dinner and I'm feeling somewhat tired from a long day and a few glasses of wine, I'm done. I'm going to find the closest couch to me, and I'm going to fall asleep on it. Why not?

All in all I had a fabulous time, and that was just a small glimpse into the window of my family life. Why not act out your emotions through dance, and slurp out stew stains from the shirt you should be wearing? Why not carry around a little stuffed cat toy in your purse to make people laugh? And why the hell would you stop yourself from sneaking away and passing out on a couch when you've had enough? I love each and every one of them to no end, and no amount of time between visits could ever change that. Some would say their behaviour is inappropriate, but I say I would rather be part of the crazies than be an outsider looking in. They are family after all.