"Don’t worry vegetarians, Baconnaise Lite is 100% Vegetarian and certified Kosher."
Please explain to me when and where we went so wrong? I don't have the most perfect diet, but to mix vegetarian bacon with mayonnaise, and then to make it "lite" on top of that...it's just so wrong. If you're a vegetarian, do yourself a favour and don't eat fake bacon mixed with mayonnaise. You may wake up in the morning with a third eye, or some other unwanted body part like a tail, or maybe even an extra set of teeth. If you aren't a vegetarian, then make yourself some good old fashioned bacon in a frying pan or the microwave if you must, and then lather on the mayonnaise afterwards. You can even purchase organic, local bacon these days, so go for it!
While on this topic, let's look at a few other items that throw me through a loop and make me question my existence as a human being.
Marshmallows are weird enough as it is, but this?
Fluff. Otherwise known as "spreadable marshmallow substance". This terrifies me. What the heck is marshmallow made out of anyway? I'm too afraid to look up the ingredients. I enjoy a marshmallow about once a year but I make sure it's sandwiched with chocolate between a pair of graham crackers. This way, my taste buds are so overjoyed that I'm unable to think about what I'm actually ingesting.
I believe that this bad boy is the culprit of quicky food creation. The one that started it all.
Did you know that SPAM was born in 1937? That's quite a while ago for such nouveau age canned quickness. Are ya hungry kids? Shhhloppppp...the SPAM comes out of the can, cut off a few slices, fry er' up and there's dinner. Anything to make life easier and more convenient! I just realized that all of the above items (SPAM, Fluff and Baconnaise) can be spread onto a lovely slice of white fluffy:
Wonder Bread! Who doesn't love Wonder Bread!? All this talk of delicious healthy wholesome food is making me crazy! We have come so far...who in the world needs to plant a potato anymore? Potatos come from a bag and now they're called chips! Chicken? It comes from the grocery store, silly. Where did you think it came from!? Orange juice? It comes from a box..obviously. All I have to say is watch out kids, your parents might take advantage of this convenient life and you might just get picked on in school:
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